Reggie is awesome. That is all.

Now I do memes for want of something productive to do with the next hour of my life.

( From Reggie. )

( Happy day number one. )

( Cut for relative vulnerability. For not being able to regularly post true feelings. For uncomfortable revelations. )

I promise the next post will be happier.

Loneliness should not be allowed in elementary school. How can anybody be ready for social rejection at such an early age? How, for that matter, can anybody be able to reject a peer to that extreme extent? What if there was someone in those young years who regarded you with disdain, and now turns out to be a friend? Can you ever really trust him, or do your shields make sense?

(It was not a bad childhood, but it was certainly a lonely one.)

Or Chinese New Year's, at least. I'm always late with these.

- Don't procrastinate as much. Especially since you're going to college.
- Get a job. You need money. Art supplies aren't fucking cheap, you know.
- Wear nice clothes. Less of those stupid t-shirts. You don't have to dress in bags just because you're big.
- Cook good food, eat good food. The stuff you know how to cook is healthy and delicious. This shouldn't be a problem, since you're going to need to cook for yourself in college anyways.
- Walk more. Again, not a problem, especially if you go to SVA; the buildings are as much as fifteen minutes away from each other. And you'll be living in the city.
- Get used to coffee without sugar. Also, sweeteners are gross.
- Don't be so self-conscious. People aren't always out to judge you.
- Do things with friends more often. Friends are fun.
- Manage your money better. Clip coupons for Michael's; soon you'll be paying for supplies out of your own pocket.
- Learn how to navigate the subway system so you won't get lost. You're not very good at maps.
- Stop resenting people because they have better lives than you. They can't help it.

- (Stop hating yourself so much. No wonder you always feel unloved.)

- Go finish your RISD drawings. I don't care if you don't want to go there, just do it and get it over with.

I was listening to the radio when it started playing 'Frosty the Snowman'. I feel bad for the guy.

( Frostbite. )

Not many things make you appreciate life more than standing outside at midnight in your pajamas in two feet of snow.

Still being eaten alive by applications. It's all essays now. And I'm not going to be doing anything over Christmas vacation other than working on my portfolio. Sad.

And in unrelated news, here's a meme from Rachel. (I'm procrastinating. Can you tell? Hey, I had an inclement-weather-day - no snowfall, so that's what I'll call it - today, so I did a lot of work already. I need a break or I'm going to fall to pieces.)

( Meme from Rachel. )

Damn, it's already December. That was way too fast. Applications due in January. Portfolio in dire need of finishing. Gotta make my arts better. Gotta learn how to be awesome in only a few short weeks. So I'll be staying away from the Internet as best I can. Later, gators.

I'm not very good at saying goodbye; it's too awkward, too upsetting.

Something I just noticed, while cooking: Thanksgiving is more 'sacred' - as in, more tradition-oriented, more important - to my family than Christmas. I mean, I guess Christmas was just something we picked up because everyone else (well, almost everyone else) does it here. It's not like we're religious. There's just something about Thanksgiving that seems a lot greater, in what we do. Foods have to be the American stereotypes (especially this year, with my mom's aunt and uncle visiting from China), and everything is nice.

It makes sense, though. My parents always tell my brother and me how lucky we are to have been born here, to be taking everything we take for granted. Thanksgiving is like a way to prove our prosperity in the United States, both to ourselves and to our family.

So Thanksgiving is about America. And hard work. And togetherness. And wealth. And knowing what we have.

It's strange, staring yourself in the face for several hours straight. Try to capture the honest details of your own visage, and try not to judge what you see. Look at your eyes, your nose, your mouth; see them only as their own lines and values. Realize that you've improved drastically in drawing technique in only a few months. See that, while your drawing is close to life, it's not exactly aesthetically pleasing. Know that it's probably due to the subject of the piece.






Also, on a slightly different note, today I learned that it's stupid to eat a Tootsie Pop while drawing your face. It messes things up.

This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Today, at least. (Being one of those sarcastic bemused rather horrified hey-I-can-get-through-this-book-if-I-tread-carefully-and-maybe-my-self-worth-won't-go-directly-into-the-toilet readers of Stephenie Meyer, and also pretty much suicidal after reading synopses of the fourth in the series, I kind of have to post this.)



Choking on Stephenie Meyer's perverse fantasies. Doin' it for the lulz.

Also, Molly is sitting sleeping on my shoulder. It's kind of funny. This wouldn't work if I wasn't slouching against the couch back.

http://www.maniacworld.com/art-in-the-eye-of-a-needle.html

O_O

( Wishlist from Tiggy. (I did this one on deviantArt last year!) )

--

( List ofax from Rachel. )

[pounding from above]
"What is that?"
"Elephants!"
"Can we go see the elephants?"
"No, someone's obviously filming a porno."
"Can we go see the elephants?"
- peopleaboveusinthegym, me, Zoe, Joyce, Caitlin, Joyce

This is why Writers' Club wins.

National Portfolio Day in Boston is this Sunday. DAMMIT, I'm not ready. How can I have NOTHINGGGGG after two and a half months? NOTHINNNNNNGGGGGGGGG. I'M FREAKING OUT, MAN. I have more-than-half a mind to play sick tomorrow so I can art. GAAAAAHHHH -tears hair-. NOBODY WILL LIKE MEEEEEE.

There's a difference (a freaking MAJOR difference) between friend and deviantArt people and whatever liking your work and a reviewer from an art school's admissions office thinking that you're good enough for their school. WHERE IS MY TECHNICAL SKILL, DAMMIT. I NEED A DISTINCT STYLE. I NEED TO DRAW MORE. I NEED TO PAINT MORE. I NEED TO SCULPT MORE. I NEED TO GIVE MY ART A MESSAGE. I NEED AN OVERLYING THEME TO TIE MY PORTFOLIO TOGETHER. I NEED TO BE BETTERRRRR.

I AM GOING TO STRESS MYSELF TO DEATH TONIGHT, I'M TELLING YOU. I AM THINKING IN CAPS LOCK RIGHT NOW. SRSLY.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. KILL ME NOOOOWWWWWWWW.

( Meme from deviantArt, because..it would make my dA front page really long and obnoxious. )

In other news, today I learned that the first paper I wrote for my Humanities course received an A-. A good thing, since only two people scored in the A range. Gods, it was so annoyingly formulaic.

GIRL, walking up a hill next to a road. TEEN 1 and TEEN 2 drive downhill across the road from GIRL, stop momentarily.

TEEN 1: [calling to GIRL] Hey Skinny! [whistles]
TEEN 2: [sniggers]
[TEEN 1 and TEEN 2 drive away. GIRL continues walking.]

--

Cue soliloquy.

I'm not particularly angry that this happened to me. I admit I fumed for a while, and wished I had flipped them off or not even acknowledged the call (and for a moment, I simmered and hoped that their car would crash at the next intersection, but that's just not nice), but that's not the thing. Here's the thing.

What the fuck gives these people, or anyone for that matter, the fucking right to do something like that? I probably would've gotten madder had it happened to somebody other than myself, but I really hope that some day, all the self-righteous pig-headed assholes of the world will get what's coming to them. That stupid passing remark was just that, a passing remark. No thought in it at all. How can that possibly ever become such a part of the subconscious? How can one possibly live with oneself after treating another person like that?

What the hell is wrong with the human race?